Forgive?

Forgiveness?

Reverend Brian Merritt

The Church of the Open Door

Genesis 50:15-21

Many of my friends in ministry are using the correct lectionary text this morning which is from Genesis 45. In conversations with them about their sermons I have been told that their theme will be about forgiveness. It makes sense because Joseph is revealing his identity to his brothers who sold him into slavery. That text is the beginning of this part of Joseph’s story. It is also the beginning of a culmination in another story about Joseph. One in which he has had dreams helping him interpret to the Pharaoh a famine in the land and how to survive it. So, why did I choose to move 5 chapters away from the text chosen by the lectionary this morning?

Sometimes things conspire together in life forcing you think. Sometimes there is a space that we must have between what we know we must do and actually doing it. Or we know that the task in front of us is not easy or seems impossible, but we begin them because they will make us better, more human.

Last week in a conversation with Peter, our pit bull’s trainer, our conversation turned philosophical. Peter is a deeply thoughtful person and began reflecting upon how forgiving dogs were to humans. Our new dog was severely miss treated and probably trained for fighting, but is the most affectionate dog I have met. I wondered if Peter is completely correct?

I was turning 40 years old. Carol asked me what I wanted for my birthday. She wanted to make it special. I thought and I thought and I thought and then it came to me.

I have always wanted a dog. Where do you think one goes to find a dog? Online. We found the local shelter and my daughter and I after looking at pictures of doges we decided to visit. There were many dogs who needed a family. Many of them were not compatible with our situation. We decided on a very particular dog but, we’re told to take 24 hours and think about it.

Maybe the employees at the shelter could sense reluctance but it was a huge help. When we returned the next day my daughter saw a dog that had not been in a kennel before. We were told this particular dog had been sick and was now on the mend. My daughter immediately warmed to this dog named Mishoo. I was warmed as well and we soon found her in the car on the way home.

We had been told this dog had been severely neglected and abused. She had been crated most of her life outdoors, in the elements. She had never been trained to go outside to relieve herself because she was always in a crate. Mishoo was also deeply physically abused.

It is no easy thing to adopt severely abused animals. Every time we opened the door she would bolt out into the street and keep running for freedom. Also, I noticed that every time I reached down to pet her she recoiled in terror. She would eventually trust me and Carol but never anyone else. She held deeply inside her the abuse of her past.

Even though she was able to live with my family I never got the impression that she was able to completely live free from her previous abuse. This made me wonder about Peter’s statement about forgiveness. It wasn’t wrong I just found it was just much more complex.

This story of Joseph is perhaps my favorite of any story in the book of Genesis. Joseph’s story has an arc that goes from being a beloved child, to being a slave. From being in the court of pharaoh, a stint in prison on false charges, and finally helping his family survive famine.

I find that the complexity of this story is often made overly simplistic by making such stories palpable for children. I have always contended that sometimes when we take out the difficult parts of stories for children they will never regain them in adulthood. Noah isn’t merely a story about cute animals, none of the biblical characters from the Ancient Near East look exactly like me, David and Bathsheba is not a great love story.

One thing I have learned reading these text has been skepticism over how they have often been taught to us in the past. Sometimes they are stripped of a glorious complexity and real human experiences to make them more Disneyfied.

Forgiveness is not like purchasing a new shampoo. One does not just easily move on. It is rare when someone so easily is able to immediately forgive something horrendous. Consequently, it is often a sign of low self-esteem to immediately let people’s abusive behavior pass with easy forgetfulness. Each act of violence against us is held deep within us. It doesn’t merely disappear because we say we have forgiven.

We may not physically recoil from others when our memories are triggered by previous wrongs. Yet, we are deeply aware of pain these experiences elicit inside of us. We may also know that it has permanently alter how we view and react to our environment. These major negative events shape our views of reality.

Forgiveness is a complicated act that involves so much more than what happens in one moment. We hear some say forgive and forget. Can this be true?  If we forgive but do not forget is it really forgiveness?

I encourage you to now hear why I chose chapter 50 in Genesis as opposed to chapter 45 from the lectionary. To my friends in the clergy who preach about forgiveness in chapter 45 I believe that they are hurrying to forgiveness too soon.

Note that even though Joseph accepts his brothers and brings his father Jacob into Egypt there is no forgiveness here. Or maybe it is better to say there might only be the germ of forgiveness in Joseph at this point. There is no talk of forgiveness at all, but acceptance of the situation Joseph’s life became.

I would point out that Joseph does not actually forgive his brothers for five chapters of Genesis. Joseph tells his brother’s in chapter 45 that the one they all worship wanted him in Egypt, and not to blame themselves. He is assuaging their guilt, but many of us know that is not forgiveness. It was only when after Joseph has made a final covenant with his dying father, only after the death of his father Joseph is compelled to fulfill the oath he has made. Joseph has promised to bury his father in Canaan and to forgive his brothers.

His brothers realize what they have done is evil, they now say it out loud in chapter 50.   Joseph relates to his brothers their evil was not the final word. You meant this for evil but the divine can’t be limited by your abuse. Enslavement was not my destiny but there was a greater plan that none of you could foresee.

Don’t we all, from personal experiences, suspect that this was a very complicated forgiveness? Family abuse always is complex and never simple. We are not always in Joseph’s position of power to only take 5 chapters when we deal with the abuse of our past and present. So, we give ourselves grace in the midst of knowing forgiveness is ours and not our perpetrators. It helps us move toward wholeness, but is never a eraser of injustice.

I imagine Joseph struggled in those five chapters reconnecting or with a family who had so unforgivably abused him. But bound by an oath Joseph did find a  forgiveness that contained everything from his destiny. It had conversely little, if nothing, to do with his brothers repentance. In five chapters Joseph moves from trying to placate his brother’s guilt, to letting them know that their actions were evil, but that they had no control over the outcomes of their evil intent. They did not control his eventual ascent from slavery to Pharaoh’s court, and they certainly did not sway his deep and abiding commitment to the divine purpose of his life.

We are called to forgive so that we can heal, but are never called to erase what has happened to us. It is cruel to assume that a victim of abuse erases it. It is in the transformation of victim to survivor in which we may see salvation.